All mothers, especially multiples moms, need help sometimes. Whether it's so you can grocery shop alone or getting some quiet time to yourself you're going to need some help every now and then. But for some of us it's hard to ask for help. Maybe it's a control issue in thinking no one can do it as good as you could. Maybe it's a pride thing in thinking other's shouldn't have to reach in and help you with your stuff or you don't want a sitter in the house because the mess they'd find might scare them away! Whatever it might be the fact still remains a little help couldn't hurt. In fact, it will probably help!
A little confession...my hang up is mixture of a few things. I hesitate to ask for help because I hate pulling on others to do things for me and I feel guilty for asking...probably a pride thing I know. I'm working on it and getting better every day. But for real, sometimes I'd rather take all my kids to the grocery store or shop late at night when J gets home than ask someone to watch my kiddos. So in an attempt to overcome my hesitation to ask for help I thought of few things that have helped me in the past. Here are 5 things that have helped make it easier when I'm asking for help...
1. Plan ahead. Most people don't like being caught off guard. So do your best to give as much notice as possible when your needing help with a sitter or things like that. Also, planning ahead gives you chance to get things like your house and grocery or errand lists in order. This way you don't feel bad about the house and you utilize your time when you're out getting stuff done.
2. Just ask. All they can do is say no. You can always find someone else to help or another day to get it done. One thing I struggle with is when people say no. Don't over think their reason for declining. Just move on and it'll work out.
3. Be willing to pay. I know not everyone can pay for the extra help we all need sometimes, but with a little planning and budget tweaking most people can. There is usually no shortage of teenage girls willing to babysit. But if you're new in town check with the local churches or mom's groups. Also, there are sites that you can use to help you find a good sitter in your area, check out Care.com or Sittercity.com. Both sites have people who have had background checks and it can be a good resource.
4. Be willing to help others. The old saying "You reap what you sow" is very true. If you are always turning other moms down when they need help, you may find a lot resistance when you need help. Good news is all it takes is you helping others for them to want to help you back.
5. Be consistent. What do I mean by that? Well try to set it up where you get out once a or twice a month. Date nights, grocery trips, or just coffee alone. I have found when I slack at getting out it makes it harder for me to ask. I guess I let myself slump back to thinking those "I got this!" thoughts. Plus, it gives you something to look forward to and helps you be a better parent when you get some time away. Even it is just grocery shopping.
One more thing, don't let someone make you feel guilty for asking, including yourself. I have this one mom who is a God send when it comes to the help area. I trust her as much as I trust family. She has never made me feel guilty for asking for help, but I have tendency to make myself feel guilty. Me not her. I say this...Only you can allow yourself to feel guilty whether or not a person does it on purpose is irrelevant...it's a choice. Just like happiness and joy are choices. You know what I mean?
No of us are going to get right all the time. Sometimes we can't plan ahead when things pop up and sometimes it won't be in the budget. But be flexible and forgiving in all situations. Let yourself off the hook and start planning a day to get out of the house, alone. It's ok to ask for help. And if you have more ideas in this area let me know. I would love to hear what other parents do to get some help.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Potty Training Twins
As of this week we are a month into potty training the twins. It's not been a walk in the park. It has been hard work. Hard, messy work. Of course, I researched different ideas on how to get started. It's been a few years since we potty trained Tru. I debated on trying the whole potty train your kid in a day, three day, or week thing. I even thought about waiting until they turned 3 in the Fall. Ultimately, I knew it was time and I just had to dive in. And now a month into potty training both our boys are out of diapers and wearing big boy pants all day. I learned a few things in this process...
1.Pick a date
Clear your schedule give yourself and your little ones as many days as possible. We picked a week that was the least busiest and marked the calendar. I made sure we had plenty of groceries to mimimize trips into to town. We spent the first week at home camped out. No plans. No where to be. My focus was to be there when they were ready to go. I think by clearing our schedule it helped me to feel less stressed about the whole thing and allowed me to catch their cues as far as when they were most likely to go.
2.Be Prepared
This is a life motto for any family with multiples, right. Get the potty seats, buy the underwear, plenty of washing detergent, wipes, and stuff to clean up with. We had accidents, missed the potty completely sometimes, and went through many changes of clothing. I am finding that the less I stress about these things the better it all works out and being prepared helps with that, too. When we go out I pack at least two changes of clothes for each kiddo and carry plenty of wipes. I've always appreciated have an extra stash of kid clothes with me.
3.Don't Look Back
Once we decided to start potty training we committed to not go back to diapers. We use them for bed time, but one of my guys can make it all the way through nap time dry. Our main focus was getting good at staying dry through the day. So the moment they're up they're in underwear. When we go out, no diapers. I carry clothes with me everywhere we go.(I think I've said that already haven't I) It was not very convenient at first. It felt like a chore. But a month into it and we can go out relatively stress free. We just make sure we hit the potty before we leave, when we get to where we're going, and before we head home. It's a system that works for them. I can gladly say the diaper bill is practically gone! Oh, be sure to let other's who keep your little ones know how committed you are to potty training. It helps to have their support. I can remember working in a daycare and how when the parents and caregivers were on the same page it helped the little ones succeed with their potty training.
4. Be Positive
We celebrate little potty sucesses. More so in the beginning than now, but still we will clap and praise them when they go all on their own. We do not scold them when they have an accident. I just clean it up and tell them they'll get it next time. We set the mood in our home. When we're excited about something our kids are too!
A couples things I thought I should mention. First, when we say their prayers at night we pray for easy potty training. Literally, we say "Thank you Lord that they're bladders and bowels will be ready when we begin potty training". We've included this in their bedtime prayers since they were born. If you're a believer you know God is in all the details of our lives, even potty training our children. I know this is why we are having the success we've had with potty training. Second, have patience and be watchful. You're the parent and you know your little ones the best. There's no rule that says you have to potty train at the same time. As a mom of twins, I've learned pretty early on they are not the same people. They came out together but they don't have to do everything together. Do your research and go at the pace that's right for your little ones. Allow you and them a little slack. Potty training is like all the other milestones that they've had...they'll succeed with your gentle guidance and loving support.
1.Pick a date
Clear your schedule give yourself and your little ones as many days as possible. We picked a week that was the least busiest and marked the calendar. I made sure we had plenty of groceries to mimimize trips into to town. We spent the first week at home camped out. No plans. No where to be. My focus was to be there when they were ready to go. I think by clearing our schedule it helped me to feel less stressed about the whole thing and allowed me to catch their cues as far as when they were most likely to go.
2.Be Prepared
This is a life motto for any family with multiples, right. Get the potty seats, buy the underwear, plenty of washing detergent, wipes, and stuff to clean up with. We had accidents, missed the potty completely sometimes, and went through many changes of clothing. I am finding that the less I stress about these things the better it all works out and being prepared helps with that, too. When we go out I pack at least two changes of clothes for each kiddo and carry plenty of wipes. I've always appreciated have an extra stash of kid clothes with me.
3.Don't Look Back
Once we decided to start potty training we committed to not go back to diapers. We use them for bed time, but one of my guys can make it all the way through nap time dry. Our main focus was getting good at staying dry through the day. So the moment they're up they're in underwear. When we go out, no diapers. I carry clothes with me everywhere we go.(I think I've said that already haven't I) It was not very convenient at first. It felt like a chore. But a month into it and we can go out relatively stress free. We just make sure we hit the potty before we leave, when we get to where we're going, and before we head home. It's a system that works for them. I can gladly say the diaper bill is practically gone! Oh, be sure to let other's who keep your little ones know how committed you are to potty training. It helps to have their support. I can remember working in a daycare and how when the parents and caregivers were on the same page it helped the little ones succeed with their potty training.
4. Be Positive
We celebrate little potty sucesses. More so in the beginning than now, but still we will clap and praise them when they go all on their own. We do not scold them when they have an accident. I just clean it up and tell them they'll get it next time. We set the mood in our home. When we're excited about something our kids are too!
A couples things I thought I should mention. First, when we say their prayers at night we pray for easy potty training. Literally, we say "Thank you Lord that they're bladders and bowels will be ready when we begin potty training". We've included this in their bedtime prayers since they were born. If you're a believer you know God is in all the details of our lives, even potty training our children. I know this is why we are having the success we've had with potty training. Second, have patience and be watchful. You're the parent and you know your little ones the best. There's no rule that says you have to potty train at the same time. As a mom of twins, I've learned pretty early on they are not the same people. They came out together but they don't have to do everything together. Do your research and go at the pace that's right for your little ones. Allow you and them a little slack. Potty training is like all the other milestones that they've had...they'll succeed with your gentle guidance and loving support.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Book Review: Ministry of Motherhood
This is review has been a long time coming. From the moment I picked it up it brought light and encouragement. I personally go through times where I'm just going through the motions in motherhood and I can imagine there might be other women who can relate to that, too. This book The Ministry of Motherhood, by Sally Clarkson, has been a God send!
The book encourages us as mothers to do more than just "mother" our children, but raise them so that they will grow up to be strong and healthy in every area of their lives. She talks about how the spritual and emotional maturity of her children would not just come about because she wanted it to or just by an example of her being good. But that the "effective spiritual, emotional, social training in the lives of her children would have to be intentional and planned." And so she writes of how she and her husband began to plan and talk about gifts that they wanted to give their children that would last all their lives. She uses the acronym G.I.F.T.S. to help herself remember the spiritual priorities as their children grew up.
In the five parts of her book she covers how she and her husband worked to instill Grace, Inspiration, Faith,Training, and Service into the lives of their children. She gives examples from the Word of how Jesus taught and loved his own disciples. She points out different ways that Jesus showed and taught these G.I.F.T.S. to them. Also, she shares her own experiences from her life with her family and tells how she would use everyday opportunities to teach them these G.I.F.T.S. She never claims to have it all together or that she a perfect parent. She is real and open.
This book encouraged me to be intentional in my parenting. That our children are gifts and we shouldn't let them go to waste. The things that we teach or don't teach them now will be with them for a lifetime. Also, that we should put a plan in place with a vision that equips our children with these GIFTS for a lifetime. And that motherhood is an important job that is often taken lightly and even more often lightly esteemed. It is a ministry opportunity unlike any other and we should look at it as our first mission field.
*I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange for an honest review.
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