All mothers, especially multiples moms, need help sometimes. Whether it's so you can grocery shop alone or getting some quiet time to yourself you're going to need some help every now and then. But for some of us it's hard to ask for help. Maybe it's a control issue in thinking no one can do it as good as you could. Maybe it's a pride thing in thinking other's shouldn't have to reach in and help you with your stuff or you don't want a sitter in the house because the mess they'd find might scare them away! Whatever it might be the fact still remains a little help couldn't hurt. In fact, it will probably help!
A little confession...my hang up is mixture of a few things. I hesitate to ask for help because I hate pulling on others to do things for me and I feel guilty for asking...probably a pride thing I know. I'm working on it and getting better every day. But for real, sometimes I'd rather take all my kids to the grocery store or shop late at night when J gets home than ask someone to watch my kiddos. So in an attempt to overcome my hesitation to ask for help I thought of few things that have helped me in the past. Here are 5 things that have helped make it easier when I'm asking for help...
1. Plan ahead. Most people don't like being caught off guard. So do your best to give as much notice as possible when your needing help with a sitter or things like that. Also, planning ahead gives you chance to get things like your house and grocery or errand lists in order. This way you don't feel bad about the house and you utilize your time when you're out getting stuff done.
2. Just ask. All they can do is say no. You can always find someone else to help or another day to get it done. One thing I struggle with is when people say no. Don't over think their reason for declining. Just move on and it'll work out.
3. Be willing to pay. I know not everyone can pay for the extra help we all need sometimes, but with a little planning and budget tweaking most people can. There is usually no shortage of teenage girls willing to babysit. But if you're new in town check with the local churches or mom's groups. Also, there are sites that you can use to help you find a good sitter in your area, check out Care.com or Sittercity.com. Both sites have people who have had background checks and it can be a good resource.
4. Be willing to help others. The old saying "You reap what you sow" is very true. If you are always turning other moms down when they need help, you may find a lot resistance when you need help. Good news is all it takes is you helping others for them to want to help you back.
5. Be consistent. What do I mean by that? Well try to set it up where you get out once a or twice a month. Date nights, grocery trips, or just coffee alone. I have found when I slack at getting out it makes it harder for me to ask. I guess I let myself slump back to thinking those "I got this!" thoughts. Plus, it gives you something to look forward to and helps you be a better parent when you get some time away. Even it is just grocery shopping.
One more thing, don't let someone make you feel guilty for asking, including yourself. I have this one mom who is a God send when it comes to the help area. I trust her as much as I trust family. She has never made me feel guilty for asking for help, but I have tendency to make myself feel guilty. Me not her. I say this...Only you can allow yourself to feel guilty whether or not a person does it on purpose is irrelevant...it's a choice. Just like happiness and joy are choices. You know what I mean?
No of us are going to get right all the time. Sometimes we can't plan ahead when things pop up and sometimes it won't be in the budget. But be flexible and forgiving in all situations. Let yourself off the hook and start planning a day to get out of the house, alone. It's ok to ask for help. And if you have more ideas in this area let me know. I would love to hear what other parents do to get some help.
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